can y'all keep a secret? (tw: possible eating disorder?)

[lil ghost]

I started taking tirz at the lower end of the "healthy" BMI range (around 105 pounds at 5'3"). I've always wanted to get leaner, and I thought it would be a helpful way to keep my diet in check. Overall, I've been feeling great. I've been working out 3 times per week, tracking my calories, trying to maximize protein intake, all that jazz. My clothes have gotten looser and, for the first time, I feel like I actually see a difference in the mirror.

However, I recently weighed myself and was a little shocked to see that I've dropped to 89 pounds. I know it's unhealthy and I know if I lose any more weight, people are going to get worried. But at the same time, I don't think I have any symptoms of an eating disorder aside from being underweight. I've always wanted to be tiny and petite, and I finally feel like I'm getting close to the body I've dreamed about. I'm also not obsessing over food or beating myself up if I overeat, which I did before taking tirz. I just feel... content? I've never been happy with my appearance, and now I feel like being pretty might be possible for me.

I have no idea if any of this is going to resonate with anyone else, but I just needed to tell someone, I guess.

 

[faloppi]

I can't relate, but I certainly feel for you. What dose of tirz are you at? Can you move to a lower, call it "maintenance" dose, and try to level off a little higher? Still get rid of some of the noise, and feel good about yourself, but make sure you are carrying enough weight to be healthy? If you were to get too little body fat or have extreme muscle wasting, it can impact vital organs and your heart. Obviously I'm no doc, but 89 at 5'3 seems too low to have a healthy composition. I think the honest answer is, you probably need to gain a little back. And I know this probably won't be believable to you because of how you have seen yourself, but being too skinny is almost never attractive, in my opinion. But beyond that, if you aren't healthy, it doesn't matter. This is a hard post to respond to because I want to help and also not say the wrong thing. But clearly you want some feedback if you posted this.

 

[Silver]

I think its worth talking to someone if you can. Get a real professional opinion. Even If you don't have a disorder maybe they can refer you to a nutritionist so you at least know your eating healthy.

 

[Skidude]

I started taking tirz at the lower end of the "healthy" BMI range (around 105 pounds at 5'3"). I've always wanted to get leaner, and I thought it would be a helpful way to keep my diet in check. Overall, I've been feeling great. I've been working out 3 times per week, tracking my calories, trying to maximize protein intake, all that jazz. My clothes have gotten looser and, for the first time, I feel like I actually see a difference in the mirror.

However, I recently weighed myself and was a little shocked to see that I've dropped to 89 pounds. I know it's unhealthy and I know if I lose any more weight, people are going to get worried. But at the same time, I don't think I have any symptoms of an eating disorder aside from being underweight. I've always wanted to be tiny and petite, and I finally feel like I'm getting close to the body I've dreamed about. I'm also not obsessing over food or beating myself up if I overeat, which I did before taking tirz. I just feel... content? I've never been happy with my appearance, and now I feel like being pretty might be possible for me.

I have no idea if any of this is going to resonate with anyone else, but I just needed to tell someone, I guess.

I recall when I first went to compound that was a question, have I ever had an eating disorder.

Although my disorder was how much I ate, i said no.

It did state bulimia or anorexia as options.

This is certainly important to discuss, and it sounds like you are aware and looking to manage.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[5byfive]

Reading that as a therapist that specializes in eating disorders, yes, you are displaying symptoms of an eating disorder. Not just the weight but the thinking that shows in your post. I strongly recommend you find a therapist that specializes in eating disorders.

It is important that you ask questions before starting to see someone. Unfortunately, lots of therapists will just check the 'eating disroders' box on their online profiles and actually have no idea what they are doing. It is a very specialized field. I live in an area with a population of around a million people and I can probably count the qualified providers in private practice on my fingers. So please take care in finding someone but please find someone, the sooner the better. I know it doesn't feel like you are in trouble yet, and all I have to go on is a single post, but reading it, I'm concerned.

 

[TeresaHip]

I'm not tiny and petite like you. But I'm beginning to think I'm developing a eating disorder. Me and my husband was just talking about he thinks I'm just not eating. He started watching me and how I eat. I wouldn't have ate if he didn't remind me. We decided between the two of I should seek counseling. All that to say, if you have a loved one close sit down and talk about it with them. If not it's for you to decide

 

[randompersonrandom]

Heya. So...if you DID turn out to be in "oh damn, I went and caught myself an eating disorder" territory, would you want to do anything about it? I don't have any judgement for you because everybody's hoeing a hard row, but if you've come this far in terms of thinking about "Hey, what's going on with me and do I need to be considering this?", I'd love to hear what you're thinking your decision tree is here.

 

[lil ghost]

Heya. So...if you DID turn out to be in "oh damn, I went and caught myself an eating disorder" territory, would you want to do anything about it? I don't have any judgement for you because everybody's hoeing a hard row, but if you've come this far in terms of thinking about "Hey, what's going on with me and do I need to be considering this?", I'd love to hear what you're thinking your decision tree is here.

I kinda treated the weight loss as a "cut," and I thought I could focus on gaining muscle after I slimmed down. I know that, ideally, I should stop taking tirz, eat above my TDEE, and focus on resistance training so I can steadily increase muscle mass instead of fat. It's just difficult to convince my brain that gaining weight is necessary, especially since I look and feel healthy. I'm essentially built like a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight, either. If I hadn't weighed myself, I would never have guessed that my weight had gotten so low.

 

[faloppi]

I kinda treated the weight loss as a "cut," and I thought I could focus on gaining muscle after I slimmed down. I know that, ideally, I should stop taking tirz, eat above my TDEE, and focus on resistance training so I can steadily increase muscle mass instead of fat. It's just difficult to convince my brain that gaining weight is necessary, especially since I look and feel healthy. I'm essentially built like a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight, either. If I hadn't weighed myself, I would never have guessed that my weight had gotten so low.

I like the idea of focusing on building some muscle. If you got closer to your prior weight with a changed body % composition, you could still feel and look really good. I get how different frames can look different, so I feel you there. The suggestions to talk to a pro are good advice you hopefully think about.

 

[randompersonrandom]

I kinda treated the weight loss as a "cut," and I thought I could focus on gaining muscle after I slimmed down. I know that, ideally, I should stop taking tirz, eat above my TDEE, and focus on resistance training so I can steadily increase muscle mass instead of fat. It's just difficult to convince my brain that gaining weight is necessary, especially since I look and feel healthy. I'm essentially built like a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight, either. If I hadn't weighed myself, I would never have guessed that my weight had gotten so low.

Here's the issue with that as I see it, because it's kind of relevant to my interests; if you HAVE caught a case of eating disorder, then one of the first things to go will be your ability to accurately perceive yourself; which means it wouldn't be safe to factor in how you think you look.

I've got three female relatives with bulimia and I know I myself have "issues," which means I have to go off the numbers. I'm 126 now at 5'5" and I look fat to myself. I've got confirmation from many people that no the fuck I do NOT, which means I can't actually perceive myself with any accuracy. So I can go to 121 if I want (middle of lower range), but no lower, no matter HOW fat my lying eyes say I am; because if I let my own self-perception be my guide, then I'd almost certainly hurt myself.

 

[Enyola]

But at the same time, I don't think I have any symptoms of an eating disorder aside from being underweight.

I disagree. Knowing it is unhealthy but not acting accordingly - this is a red flag already.

 

[SmellyPrawn]

I kinda treated the weight loss as a "cut," and I thought I could focus on gaining muscle after I slimmed down. I know that, ideally, I should stop taking tirz, eat above my TDEE, and focus on resistance training so I can steadily increase muscle mass instead of fat. It's just difficult to convince my brain that gaining weight is necessary, especially since I look and feel healthy. I'm essentially built like a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight, either. If I hadn't weighed myself, I would never have guessed that my weight had gotten so low.

I understand this, I do have an eating disorder and really bad body dysmorphia, so no matter how little I weigh I still think I look like a 300lb whale.
You're right about how hard it is to make your brain understand that it's time to gain weight, I find it helps to switch to measurements instead of weighing if I can manage it. When you gain muscle all over the waist seems to stay small so seeing that constant measurement there helped trick my brain into thinking I'm still "skinny" and not to worry.
And maybe starting slowly with the resistance training will help, your body will tell you that it needs more food and if you don't want to feel like a bag of shit you'd better listen to it. 🤣 It feels good to fuel your body with nutritious food when you know you need it.

But, like others, I also recommend you talk to a therapist about your potential ED. And like @5byfive said, it is very important to find someone who actually specializes in EDs, I've had many therapists who tried to help and had no idea what they were doing, some even made things worse.

So good luck! And take good care of yourself. 😊💖

 

[Lovedog100]

I kinda treated the weight loss as a "cut," and I thought I could focus on gaining muscle after I slimmed down. I know that, ideally, I should stop taking tirz, eat above my TDEE, and focus on resistance training so I can steadily increase muscle mass instead of fat. It's just difficult to convince my brain that gaining weight is necessary, especially since I look and feel healthy. I'm essentially built like a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight, either. If I hadn't weighed myself, I would never have guessed that my weight had gotten so low.

I'm going to make an educated guess here. You are losing muscle, not fat. I have a daughter, and two grand daughters that are 5'2" and 105 lbs. No one would ever say that they need to lose any weight. Most women want to look like them. I have another grand daughter at 4'11" and 98lbs. She is an absolute head turner and has a six pack. You are 4" taller, and 9lbs lighter than her. Seeing a therapist is probably a good idea. I sense some body dysmorphia going on here. That can be extremely dangerous. Seriously, you do not need to lose weight, please stop.