Not a drill: 5 pounds from minimum goal

randompersonrandom

randompersonrandom

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Scale said 126 lbs today. I stare at my thigh gap for way too long, because it seems fake. My clothing sizes seem fake. I have weird bones in weird places. I keep thinking about getting a full length mirror, then scolding myself "That is unlikely to build character, randompersonrandom. You can look at yourself in the ones in the gym if you want to see it so bad." Every conversation starts with "YOU ARE SO SKINNY". I still look fat to myself, but I KNOW it's in my head and don't concern myself with it.

My no-lower-than-this is 121, and I'm on track to get there in the next month. And then I'm like....done trying to get more off.

I'll celebrate with one of those big Costco blueberry muffins as a joke with a family that kinda adopted me down here. (I was 186 pounds a couple of years back, eating one of those and lamenting that I couldn't afford ozempic. One of the women in that family said, deadpan, "If you're obese and have an associated comorbidity, sometimes insurance will pay for it. (Pause.) Have another muffin.") But my regular losing-weight food is very good, and I go to the gym because it's pleasant to exercise when you're not overweight, which nobody told me, so that won't be hard to keep doing.

I have no experience whatsoever at "not needing to lose weight right now." I have always been either actively working to lose weight, or gaining weight while stressing over the fact that I need to get hold of myself.

This will be my first time where when I get on the scale, it will be with the hope that it says what it said yesterday, last week, last month. This will be the most surreal experience.
 
Last edited:
randompersonrandom said:
Scale said 126 lbs today. I stare at my thigh gap for way too long, because it seems fake. My clothing sizes seem fake. I have weird bones in weird places. I keep thinking about getting a full length mirror, then scolding myself "That is unlikely to build character, randompersonrandom. You can look at yourself in the ones in the gym if you want to see it so bad." Every conversation starts with "YOU ARE SO SKINNY". I still look fat to myself, but I KNOW it's in my head and don't concern myself with it.

My no-lower-than-this is 121, and I'm on track to get there in the next month. And then I'm like....done trying to get more off.

I'll celebrate with one of those big Costco blueberry muffins as a joke with a family that kinda adopted me down here. (I was 186 pounds a couple of years back, eating one of those and lamenting that I couldn't afford ozempic. One of the women in that family said, deadpan, "If you're obese and have an associated comorbidity, sometimes insurance will pay for it. (Pause.) Have another muffin.") But my regular losing-weight food is very good, and I go to the gym because it's pleasant to exercise when you're not overweight, which nobody told me, so that won't be hard to keep doing.

I have no experience whatsoever at "not needing to lose weight right now." I have always been either actively working to lose weight, or gaining weight while stressing over the fact that I need to get hold of myself.

This will be my first time where when I get on the scale, it will be with the hope that it says what it said yesterday, last week, last month. This will be the most surreal experience.
Click to expand...
Woo hooo!! You'll be there in no time!! Congrats!! Enjoy this & keep reminding yourself you are slim & you are the weight it says on the scale!! 🙂
 
randompersonrandom said:
Scale said 126 lbs today. I stare at my thigh gap for way too long, because it seems fake. My clothing sizes seem fake. I have weird bones in weird places. I keep thinking about getting a full length mirror, then scolding myself "That is unlikely to build character, randompersonrandom. You can look at yourself in the ones in the gym if you want to see it so bad." Every conversation starts with "YOU ARE SO SKINNY". I still look fat to myself, but I KNOW it's in my head and don't concern myself with it.

My no-lower-than-this is 121, and I'm on track to get there in the next month. And then I'm like....done trying to get more off.

I'll celebrate with one of those big Costco blueberry muffins as a joke with a family that kinda adopted me down here. (I was 186 pounds a couple of years back, eating one of those and lamenting that I couldn't afford ozempic. One of the women in that family said, deadpan, "If you're obese and have an associated comorbidity, sometimes insurance will pay for it. (Pause.) Have another muffin.") But my regular losing-weight food is very good, and I go to the gym because it's pleasant to exercise when you're not overweight, which nobody told me, so that won't be hard to keep doing.

I have no experience whatsoever at "not needing to lose weight right now." I have always been either actively working to lose weight, or gaining weight while stressing over the fact that I need to get hold of myself.

This will be my first time where when I get on the scale, it will be with the hope that it says what it said yesterday, last week, last month. This will be the most surreal experience.
Click to expand...
Wow, that's amazing! Congratulations on losing a lot of weight. I'm also at nearly the same weight. I hit a new personal record on the scale at 125.6 today. I started at 148 lbs. If everyone says you are so skinny, then you actually are. A lot of the time during the weight loss journey, You think it is all just the same as in your appearance, you think it is all the same, but in reality, the scale is dropping and your clothes feel different. The reason why you think you look fat is because you are you and you look at yourself daily, but if you have been taking progress pictures during your weight loss journey, then you would know looking back at your old photos, like, "wow, I have made so much progress". And that's the motivation and the key to keep going, even though you still think you look fat, because the proof is in the pudding. Just look at those photos from a few years back or even just a couple months back. For me, I wouldn't say skinnier, but like leaner, as in more definition overall and conditioned, because I hit the gym daily lifting, so all the weight I lost was fat mass, and I actually built some muscle in the process. So maybe to get over that feeling in your head, what might help is taking weightlifting seriously. So couple that with the fat loss and some additional muscle mass gain, it can help with the body image issue.
 
randompersonrandom said:
One of the women in that family said, deadpan, "If you're obese and have an associated comorbidity, sometimes insurance will pay for it. (Pause.) Have another muffin.")
Click to expand...

Got a really good chuckle from this. Thank you. My insurance wouldn’t cover me even though I was morbidly obese, had prediabetes, sleep apnea, and high cholesterol…. I did think about having a candy bar before my bloodwork to see if I could get a diabetes diagnosis. But then decided that diabetes wasn’t something to mess with.

Congratulations on your progress! I have all the same thoughts. As of this morning, I’m 8 lbs to “goal”, but I still see a very fat person in the mirror. I know it’s in my head, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Full length mirrors don’t help, I’ve got those. 🤔
 
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