How honest are you being...?

[Thee Oohwee]

I am an addict in recovery. I've been around the rooms of recovery for over twenty years, and I have three years and two months clean now. I have had a lot of experience with recovery & relapse, with the longest period of recovery being 9 years and a couple of months before I relapsed over back pain and opiates. That is a whole other story for another time, though.

As an addict, I love secrets. I mean, I really really love a fucking secret. When I was first prescribed Zepbound (ahhhhh the good ole days when insurance covered it last year), I called my sponsor and we had a long discussion about it. I knew I was getting a self-injecting syringe and I did not want to trigger myself. I was an IV drug user before. I did not want to keep this a secret. So, I've been open about it.

Folks commented on my weight loss over the next few months and I thanked them and told them I was on Zepbound. I shared in meetings about my struggles when insurance cut me off from the medication, even after proving I had sleep apnea with a sleep study AND showing some fatty liver with an abdominal scan. I am NOT getting on my soapbox about how I feel about that whole issue in this thread, but just know it still burns me up the callousness of our insurance companies AND big pharma here in the States.

I had been researching compounded Tirzepatide for a few months by that point, and I finally found a telehealth company I felt comfortable placing an order with. I called my sponsor again and we had a brutally honest conversation about it. This time, I wouldn't have an auto-injector. I would have to calculate my dose, draw it up with an insulin syringe, and inject it subcutaneously myself. It was during that convo that I realized I had been changing. Through working the Twelve Steps and through being on this medication already, I just wasn't triggered by having syringes if it meant it was for my health. We always say, "Health IS Wealth." So, I made the decision to go ahead and order from the compounded pharmacy.

I was surprised by how fast I got approved, prescribed, and sent the meds, even right on the tail-end of the whole East Coast snow blizzard disaster. I'm gonna lie, y'all, my hands were shaking when I was first picking up that syringe to draw up my dose. But, it wasn't because of anything to do with addiction, drugs, or fear. It was just plain ole nervousness! I took a deep breath, drew up my dose, pinched my skin, and gave myself a shot. Easy peasy. After that, it was smooth sailing. I even got a free sharps container because of some info I got from a post in this forum.

Then, I started reading up on Retatutride after a friend in recovery told me he was taking it. The more I read about it the more I want to try it and back off the Tirz. I was getting along fine with the Tirz but I think I was feeling a bit of that anhedonia that folks speak of. Things just didn't spark my interest like they used to. And Reta was killing it in trials and healing up folks fatty liver stuff. Once again, I called my sponsor. Told him what I learned and that I was keen on trying Reta. He told me in that convo that it sounded like I had done my research and he only asked me to keep in touch with him about side effects if they get weird or bad.

This brings me to today. This post is about making sure I don't keep this journey a secret. Its not ego. Its not pride. Its just immense joy that I am taking back ownership of my health, even by telling the disease of addiction to STFU and have several seats. Who would've thought that someone who could not stop using IV drugs would have a box of syringes in the cabinet. With my own sharps containers. With vials of peptides in my refrigerator? The bestest part about all of this is being able to authentically be myself through this whole process. I know some addicts in recovery who don't share about their peptide use and its not for me to judge them. I just know that, for me, I can't go that route. Now, I might not get up in front of a meeting and talk about getting peps from China, but I am def gonna talk about my experiences with giving my self an injection or two each week for my continued health.

And for those who choose to keep their peptide use a secret, this post is in no way, shape, or form condemning that. I just wanted to share about my process on this incredible journey we're all on.

I had no idea where this post was going to go. Originally, I was just wondering how many folks in recovery are using peps while also sharing about it with others, namely their sponsors, support groups, friends outside the Program. For me, I would rather share about it than die about it, because that's what'll happen if I start keeping it a secret.

 

[Omxxl]

I am an addict in recovery. I've been around the rooms of recovery for over twenty years, and I have three years and two months clean now. I have had a lot of experience with recovery & relapse, with the longest period of recovery being 9 years and a couple of months before I relapsed over back pain and opiates. That is a whole other story for another time, though.

As an addict, I love secrets. I mean, I really really love a fucking secret. When I was first prescribed Zepbound (ahhhhh the good ole days when insurance covered it last year), I called my sponsor and we had a long discussion about it. I knew I was getting a self-injecting syringe and I did not want to trigger myself. I was an IV drug user before. I did not want to keep this a secret. So, I've been open about it.

Folks commented on my weight loss over the next few months and I thanked them and told them I was on Zepbound. I shared in meetings about my struggles when insurance cut me off from the medication, even after proving I had sleep apnea with a sleep study AND showing some fatty liver with an abdominal scan. I am NOT getting on my soapbox about how I feel about that whole issue in this thread, but just know it still burns me up the callousness of our insurance companies AND big pharma here in the States.

I had been researching compounded Tirzepatide for a few months by that point, and I finally found a telehealth company I felt comfortable placing an order with. I called my sponsor again and we had a brutally honest conversation about it. This time, I wouldn't have an auto-injector. I would have to calculate my dose, draw it up with an insulin syringe, and inject it subcutaneously myself. It was during that convo that I realized I had been changing. Through working the Twelve Steps and through being on this medication already, I just wasn't triggered by having syringes if it meant it was for my health. We always say, "Health IS Wealth." So, I made the decision to go ahead and order from the compounded pharmacy.

I was surprised by how fast I got approved, prescribed, and sent the meds, even right on the tail-end of the whole East Coast snow blizzard disaster. I'm gonna lie, y'all, my hands were shaking when I was first picking up that syringe to draw up my dose. But, it wasn't because of anything to do with addiction, drugs, or fear. It was just plain ole nervousness! I took a deep breath, drew up my dose, pinched my skin, and gave myself a shot. Easy peasy. After that, it was smooth sailing. I even got a free sharps container because of some info I got from a post in this forum.

Then, I started reading up on Retatutride after a friend in recovery told me he was taking it. The more I read about it the more I want to try it and back off the Tirz. I was getting along fine with the Tirz but I think I was feeling a bit of that anhedonia that folks speak of. Things just didn't spark my interest like they used to. And Reta was killing it in trials and healing up folks fatty liver stuff. Once again, I called my sponsor. Told him what I learned and that I was keen on trying Reta. He told me in that convo that it sounded like I had done my research and he only asked me to keep in touch with him about side effects if they get weird or bad.

This brings me to today. This post is about making sure I don't keep this journey a secret. Its not ego. Its not pride. Its just immense joy that I am taking back ownership of my health, even by telling the disease of addiction to STFU and have several seats. Who would've thought that someone who could not stop using IV drugs would have a box of syringes in the cabinet. With my own sharps containers. With vials of peptides in my refrigerator? The bestest part about all of this is being able to authentically be myself through this whole process. I know some addicts in recovery who don't share about their peptide use and its not for me to judge them. I just know that, for me, I can't go that route. Now, I might not get up in front of a meeting and talk about getting peps from China, but I am def gonna talk about my experiences with giving my self an injection or two each week for my continued health.

And for those who choose to keep their peptide use a secret, this post is in no way, shape, or form condemning that. I just wanted to share about my process on this incredible journey we're all on.

I had no idea where this post was going to go. Originally, I was just wondering how many folks in recovery are using peps while also sharing about it with others, namely their sponsors, support groups, friends outside the Program. For me, I would rather share about it than die about it, because that's what'll happen if I start keeping it a secret.

Thank you for sharing your experience; it helps a lot of people, even if you don't realize it.

I've tried different recreational drugs, especially alcohol. With Reta, I don't feel like drinking anymore. My problem with alcohol is that I can't stop, and I end up using other drugs compulsively and without limits.

This is the first time in my life that I've gone and said, "No, thank you, I don't want to," and I'm perfectly fine with it.

Reta has definitely helped me with my addictions.

 

[Hambocommando]

One aspect of addiction is that we use it to fill a hole in our lives. For some people, that's drugs, some alcohol, and others food. For me personally, it was chronic pain and losing the ability to be active. The most important part that I have found of using a GLP1 of any sort is that it is a tool for change. They give us the breathing room to make better decisions about food and fitness. Those decisions eventually become better habits. I myself worry about hyperfocus on the numbers on the scale, because I know what I used to be when I was healthy, what I became when I was broken, and what I'm becoming now. For me, that means not weighing in daily. If I do, it will become ALL that I care about. Instead I am concentrating on the habits and the way I feel more than an ultimate end goal that may or may not be achievable. Use the tool, give yourself grace as you go, and hopefully we'll all end up happier and healthier at the end. I'm a complete stranger, but I'm super proud of you for sharing and finding a healthy path for you.

 

[Volkswagen57]

Congratulations on your sobriety. Love to hear it!

 

[Mara_aa]

I had no idea where this post was going to go. Originally, I was just wondering how many folks in recovery are using peps while also sharing about it with others, namely their sponsors, support groups, friends outside the Program. For me, I would rather share about it than die about it, because that's what'll happen if I start keeping it a secret.

Beautiful post, and thank you for sharing something so personal. I admire you deeply, what you’ve achieved is extraordinary, and you have every reason to feel incredibly proud of yourself.

I’ve dealt with a few addictions myself, and some are still part of my life (like cigarettes and buying clothes) unfortunately Tirz didn’t take those away from me lol.

Unlike you, I tend to keep certain things more private, it’s something I’ve learned after getting burned too many times. Some people simply don’t deserve full transparency, whether because they wouldn’t understand, or because they’re ignorant, judgmental, envious, or just unkind.

So until I’m sure, I prefer to keep things to myself, even peptides, and share them only with the people I choose. I hope that makes sense; it’s just my perspective based on my own past experiences.

But truly… your journey and your strength shine through. You should be incredibly proud.

 

[catwitch]

Thank you so much for sharing this. Congrats on 3 years and 2 months!

My addiction is food, and I’ve been hyper-vigilante about making sure this peptide journey is not just replacing one addiction with another. Like you, one thing I do is stay open about it. Openness (for me, not necessarily others) is anti-addiction behavior. So far, so good!

Sounds like you have a great sponsor and a fantastic outlook. I wish you continued sobriety and health, as well as joy in the journey.

 

[whatchamacallit]

I have always felt this way about eating. I have been trying to stop overeating. I tend to keep that a secret. I usually eat a couple candy bars in secret when I eat them. I feel like that probably is part of the problem.

 

[Thee Oohwee]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and accolades. And thank you for sharing some of your own experiences. I really appreciate it. We’re all in this together and you’re great examples of this strong community. Peace and love y’all. 🙌🏼✌🏼💜

 

[jackie.d.]

I was an IV drug user and since I will have 12 years clean and sober this April 28th (my belly button and recovery birthday are the same day, saved by the grace of God and the hand of the San Diego Sheriff's Department 🤣💚💪🙏) I had a similar experience and just wanted to show support. I have struggled with my weight since I was a little kid, and chances are that was a lot of where my addiction started....trying to fit in, because I knew I looked different. I had lots of experience with fluctuating weight and tried everything. Last year I finally felt confident enough to start talking about medical weight loss but when a self administered shot came up I refused, not even remotely comfortable with getting needles back into the equation. As the months dragged on and no medication orally seemed to help, my mom ended up on a semaglutide and explained to me how easy and different than what I was doing on the streets. I did some research because her results were amazing. As I looked deep within myself during the research, i felt like my chances of relapsing one day because of excessive weight gain were more likely than my chances of relapsing because of poking my belly with a tiny needle in a way very different from my IV days. I also realized the benefits of tirz were going to impact my health and lifestyle for the better in a lasting way. The benefits outweighed the risks, and i'm glad they did because i found a place I trusted online, with a lot of support and accountability and doctor involvement, and I started my tirz journey. I'm 4 months into it and have lost nearly 30lbs and find the to be absolutely no impact whatsoever on my recovery. As a matter of fact, I feel so much better and stronger than I ever have, and I would never wanna give up this feeling for the junk that once went into my body and destroyed it....and after hearing all about reta and how it helps the body fight some of the things that are genetic markers in my family, despite being in the research phase, i can come at it with a sense of humor because I've put WAY WORSE into my body and if that didn't kill me, i'm pretty sure this won't either lol so for anybody in recovery who might be reading my response or the original poster and feeling the same way, tentative to get started, i just wanna say that we all know where we are in our recovery and everybody's individual situation is different but for me, this has helped me climb that mountain rather than slide back down that hill.

 

[birdwhacker]

Man, I wish the rooms worked for me the same way they do for you. All of that flowery hopeful language, I envy that. I'm a deeply irreligious and cynical individual. The rooms gave me a great start and taught me that sobriety is at least possible, but I find that they can bring me little comfort at least in my very Christian area.

I've been known to inject a little meth/heroin on occasion. I was pleasantly surprised to find that SubQ shots didn't remind me of intravenous work in the slightest.

I'm 27 years old. I used marijuana at 16, meth at 17, IV/crack by 20, mellowed out a bit while still having relapses here and there, quit meth but had some trouble with benzos recently. Currently about 6-7 months totally sober from everything for the first time in a while, on probation for a DUI. Like 5 years sober from meth though.

I never made the decision to quit. Or rather I made the decision many times. Then one day the urge just went away, for meth, and I was able to control it. Now the urge for other substances has mostly gone away, thanks to my last run in with the law.

Retatrutide definitely makes me feel healthier and more in control, and I am quite a bit more hopeful for the future than I have been in the past despite the fact that I won't have a driver's license again until I'm in my thirties.

I expect to live a middling life and pass away tragically from a stroke or heart attack in my sixties. The way that I used took so much from me that I am confident can never be regained. Heartbreak has torn me apart.

But I think peptides might drastically improve my quality of life for the time I have left if I can hold my shit together.

I too, have no idea where this post is going to go. I'm glad that things are working out for you. Make yourself at home, but don't get too comfortable 🙂

Oh, and don't be scared to tell the truth anywhere it damn well pleases you. I wouldn't be bothered for one minute being judged by the gaggle of failures that makes up the bulk of a meeting – numbering myself among them, mind you, and having attended many meetings of my own accord. I'll always recommend them to the newcomer, but it's not the end all be all.

 

[Thee Oohwee]

Man, I wish the rooms worked for me the same way they do for you. All of that flowery hopeful language, I envy that. I'm a deeply irreligious and cynical individual. The rooms gave me a great start and taught me that sobriety is at least possible, but I find that they can bring me little comfort at least in my very Christian area.

I've been known to inject a little meth/heroin on occasion. I was pleasantly surprised to find that SubQ shots didn't remind me of intravenous work in the slightest.

I'm 27 years old. I used marijuana at 16, meth at 17, IV/crack by 20, mellowed out a bit while still having relapses here and there, quit meth but had some trouble with benzos recently. Currently about 6-7 months totally sober from everything for the first time in a while, on probation for a DUI. Like 5 years sober from meth though.

I never made the decision to quit. Or rather I made the decision many times. Then one day the urge just went away, for meth, and I was able to control it. Now the urge for other substances has mostly gone away, thanks to my last run in with the law.

Retatrutide definitely makes me feel healthier and more in control, and I am quite a bit more hopeful for the future than I have been in the past despite the fact that I won't have a driver's license again until I'm in my thirties.

I expect to live a middling life and pass away tragically from a stroke or heart attack in my sixties. The way that I used took so much from me that I am confident can never be regained. Heartbreak has torn me apart.

But I think peptides might drastically improve my quality of life for the time I have left if I can hold my shit together.

I too, have no idea where this post is going to go. I'm glad that things are working out for you. Make yourself at home, but don't get too comfortable 🙂

Oh, and don't be scared to tell the truth anywhere it damn well pleases you. I wouldn't be bothered for one minute being judged by the gaggle of failures that makes up the bulk of a meeting – numbering myself among them, mind you, and having attended many meetings of my own accord. I'll always recommend them to the newcomer, but it's not the end all be all.

Your story is a lot like mine. Man, I swear its a chiche, but it works. You just got to keep showing up. Meetings and Twelve Steps. I can't imagine recovery without the Twelve Steps - they've helped me develop my own belief systems and values. Today, I feel so different than I was when I first came in.

Thank you for your honesty. Lets stay around on this side of the fence for awhile, yeah? And glad to hear that Reta has been helping you as well.

Keep your head up. It does get better.

 

[birdwhacker]

Your story is a lot like mine. Man, I swear its a chiche, but it works. You just got to keep showing up. Meetings and Twelve Steps. I can't imagine recovery without the Twelve Steps - they've helped me develop my own belief systems and values. Today, I feel so different than I was when I first came in.

Thank you for your honesty. Lets stay around on this side of the fence for awhile, yeah? And glad to hear that Reta has been helping you as well.

Keep your head up. It does get better.

Thanks for the love buddy. I plan to stick around for a bit. I'm old enough to say that I have an idea of what works and what doesn't. A lifetime of what doesn't. A sickening belly full of what doesn't work. I'm so tired of it.

I have to find a way to make this all worth it, because it's obvious that the clock is ticking.

For a while now, I've understood that losing weight and improving my physical fitness is paramount to achieving stability.

Now it feels possible for the first time ever. I've never seen what my adult body looks like at a healthy weight. I'm eager to change that.

Here's to injecting drugs from China! May it work out better than last time inshaAllah