Somehow "skinny" comments feel just as bad...

[leeann82]

To sum my journey up...in 2019, i started at over 350...i think it was actually 367, but im not entirely sure anymore....all i know is i was so horrified when I saw that number, I looked away as fast as I could. I went strict keto after quick research, learning along the way...did that for about a year and a half. Got down to 240 and stopped losing went. Went to mexico and had a gastric bypass. That got me down to 160. Went back to mexico 8 months after that surgery for skin removal #1, and back again another 6 months later for skin removal #2. 15 pounds of skin kn total was removed from both surgeries bringing me to 145. The next couple years, my life fell apart and I gained weight again and was now 178. This February.. the 6th, I started tirz...added in a few more peps over the next couple months. Today, I am 125 at 5'4" and right in the mid normal bmi range. The problem is...every day...multiple times a day...i keep getting comments, and they frankly feel just as bad as fat comments did. This week alone I've been asked twice if I have cancer, once if I was now a junkie, twice if I was anorexic and 5 times if I was sick. Was alsl told i look fragile and weak. Yes, my face has really narrowed out, I've also gotten older...just turned 44, and am in perimenopause. My cheeks are a bit sunken in...however...i think this is the best I've ever looked in my entire life. I wear a size small pants, or size 5 jeans, and a medium top. Im by no means a size 0 extra small...ive still got some chub. My ribs aren't sticking out...i have just started working out to gain muscle...

anyone else experienced this? This is really hitting my confidence hard...

 

[5byfive]

If you want to change yourself at this point, serious resistance training is definitely the thing to do, if you want to change what other people think and say, you are probably not going to have much luck with that. The only thing you can do is change how you frame it.

First, most people don't think before they talk, often they are just repeating a bunch of bad ideas that have been put in their head by people around them and society at large. Its often not what they think but how they were programmed. Second, someone commenting on how you look is probably not happy with themselves.

Ultimately, you have to take control of how you feel. There is a saying, no one can make you feel anything without your permission. When someone says something and you say to yourself "I'm not going to give that jerk the power to make me feel bad about myself" you take back your power over how you feel.

I could write pages but if you are really struggling with it, a good therapist can help you more with how to reframe things and deal with negativity from others.

Side note on hitting the gym. You have likely lost a lot of muscle that you could gain back pretty quickly if you lift weights with some good intensity. Women have a tendency not to push hard enough with weights to really see the gains they want. You can probably make some positive changes pretty fast if you push it.

 

[leeann82]

If you want to change yourself at this point, serious resistance training is definitely the thing to do, if you want to change what other people think and say, you are probably not going to have much luck with that. The only thing you can do is change how you frame it.

First, most people don't think before they talk, often they are just repeating a bunch of bad ideas that have been put in their head by people around them and society at large. Its often not what they think but how they were programmed. Second, someone commenting on how you look is probably not happy with themselves.

Ultimately, you have to take control of how you feel. There is a saying, no one can make you feel anything without your permission. When someone says something and you say to yourself "I'm not going to give that jerk the power to make me feel bad about myself" you take back your power over how you feel.

I could write pages but if you are really struggling with it, a good therapist can help you more with how to reframe things and deal with negativity from others.

Side note on hitting the gym. You have likely lost a lot of muscle that you could gain back pretty quickly if you lift weights with some good intensity. Women have a tendency not to push hard enough with weights to really see the gains they want. You can probably make some positive changes pretty fast if you push it.

Thanks for the lengthy well thought out post. I dont usually let other people's opinions get to me. I think its because its happening several times a day that its stating to bug me.

Ive definitely lost muscle lol...I got myself a bunch of weights and a weight bench to start with. I am going very light to start, lifting 3x a week. I have a rib and hip problem that I dont want to exasperate, but once those heal, its on like Donkey Kong!

 

[cujet]

125 lbs is perfect. Like OMG perfect. Very well done!!

Let's face it, few of us are perfect humans, and despite what health nuts will tell us, we are not perfectly made. Our internal systems fail us, and we end up overweight, or with like me with severe autoimmune issues that destroy. I tend to feel the secret to overall happiness is to be happy with oneself, and from the little I read above, you have every right to be happy with what you've accomplished!!! The health benefits alone are massive.

I'm 62M, former athlete and well, just an old man now. To me the athletic build is most attractive. Not skin and bones and not the ever so common mildly overweight. But muscular toned and fit. And yes that often comes with a more severe facial look. The look of dedication, love it.

 

[randompersonrandom]

I think my bigger question is "What is your relationship to the people saying these things and do you have control over their access to you?" I'm the same size as you and the same age, and I don't look sick or weak. I also don't see a lot of strangers, but I DO see a lot of people per week, and there's no one in my life who would so bravely spout an unkind opinion about my looks to my face. If someone did, that would be the last time they'd be graced with a conversation with me.

 

[aepower2016]

First off, congratulations on losing so much weight. I don't care how it's done, losing weight will never be easy for the majority of the population.

Remember that beauty is extremely subjective. What I perceive as a "10/10" could be another person's "5/10". You believe you're as beautiful as you've ever been and that's the only comment that matters. You'll never be able to please everyone and that can be a tough pill to swallow. It's ok to feel the way you feel right now, you've completed such an amazing task. Yet, it feels as if it's not enough to get the compliments you rightly deserve. You don't owe anyone an explanation or story as to why you look the way do. Continue to improve your physique however YOU deem necessary.

From time to time I'd get annoying comments about being lean. When I was at my leanest, my abs were very visible. Every now and than I'd get comments from women stating they like there man with a gut. I just took it as them being insecure about themselves, so I never made disparaging remarks back. I find it hilarious as a gym goer that I receive way more comments about my physique from people who don't go to the gym or even train at all. Continue to stay true to yourself, it certainly sounds like you know exactly how you want to look. Your happiness will always be somebody elses pain.

 

[ProblemChild]

I'm sure a lot of us here struggle with the shame of having been "fat" even after losing weight. I recently watched this interview with Jerry O'Connell. He talks about how it still upsets him to this day when people identify him as the "fat kid from Stand by Me". It's a good lesson in not letting people get under your skin.

Edited to add: Like others have said, backhanded compliments are most likely jealousy/envy. You did an AMAZING JOB and you need to remind yourself of that! 🙂

 

[wildweasel]

This week alone I've been asked twice if I have cancer, once if I was now a junkie, twice if I was anorexic and 5 times if I was sick.

Take a week or two break from glp and refeed.

People don’t realize they’re going into extreme calorie deficits on these. I’ve seen some people whose hair has fallen out.

A lot of people don’t realize it, but they fall into calorie deficit sometimes over 1000 cal a day.

Yes, it’s rapid weight loss, but it’s also not sustainable without negative side effects appearing

Take occasional breaks, increase caloric intake for a while while

You can’t escape dietary nutrition and biology. If your body enters starvation mode, you’re going to look unhealthy. There’s no way to prevent it other than eating more food for a little while.

 

[SoCalGirl]

To sum my journey up...in 2019, i started at over 350...i think it was actually 367, but im not entirely sure anymore....all i know is i was so horrified when I saw that number, I looked away as fast as I could. I went strict keto after quick research, learning along the way...did that for about a year and a half. Got down to 240 and stopped losing went. Went to mexico and had a gastric bypass. That got me down to 160. Went back to mexico 8 months after that surgery for skin removal #1, and back again another 6 months later for skin removal #2. 15 pounds of skin kn total was removed from both surgeries bringing me to 145. The next couple years, my life fell apart and I gained weight again and was now 178. This February.. the 6th, I started tirz...added in a few more peps over the next couple months. Today, I am 125 at 5'4" and right in the mid normal bmi range. The problem is...every day...multiple times a day...i keep getting comments, and they frankly feel just as bad as fat comments did. This week alone I've been asked twice if I have cancer, once if I was now a junkie, twice if I was anorexic and 5 times if I was sick. Was alsl told i look fragile and weak. Yes, my face has really narrowed out, I've also gotten older...just turned 44, and am in perimenopause. My cheeks are a bit sunken in...however...i think this is the best I've ever looked in my entire life. I wear a size small pants, or size 5 jeans, and a medium top. Im by no means a size 0 extra small...ive still got some chub. My ribs aren't sticking out...i have just started working out to gain muscle...

anyone else experienced this? This is really hitting my confidence hard...

HATERS gonna hate! Jealousy. Your journey is amazing.